well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
