with your own penis?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
