im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
ok first of all what the fuck
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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