my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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