wat bout pragnant strippers??
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
