I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
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his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
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I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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