She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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