When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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