You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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