and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You had me at "let me see your balls"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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