She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
