i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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