goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
