Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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