I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
