I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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