He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
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just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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