Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
