**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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