What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
