Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
