i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
