Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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