I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
