be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
