We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
