Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
are you so shy because you have an std?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
