I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
