I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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