You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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