I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
