So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
