It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
it glows. i had to have it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
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Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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