So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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