Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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