dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
