You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
