remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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