Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
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he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
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I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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