if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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