Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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