I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
