Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
