i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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