Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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