guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
