i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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