if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Too much gin, very little bucket
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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