spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
