you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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