I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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