it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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