I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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