I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
