I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
