Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
