I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
