He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
