I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
