It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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