I feel great
I just peed on a car
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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