he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
