I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
