i need an iv and a liver transplant
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
