all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
