Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
