I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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