So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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