I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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