New invention idea: vibrating tampons
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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