How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
