I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
