Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
