Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
