I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
