I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
