please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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