you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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