it wasn't lemon gatorade
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
