Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
